[He nods along - how could he forget? Besides the night of that first meeting on Moonlight bridge, ten - or was it twelve now? - years ago, it stood out in his mind as one of the major turning-points in his life: The day his fate was set.]
[The expression on his face shows many things: admiration, adoration, love and sadness. However, he keeps going, going through his memories in order to sort out his place, and what it meant now.]
[Ryoji says, carefully, but not watching his words. The expression on his face is one that could easily be detected between them if someone looked hard enough.]
[Minato's face remains impassive after Ryoji's revelation; mostly because he feels like he's merely touching an issue that goes much deeper.
So, Atsumi "signed a contract"; she also "accepted her responsibility". Minato feels like he should know the answer, but it also feels like it's lingering someplace outside of himself; beyond anything within his depth.]
[It's easier to touch. So he touches. His fingers move from the bag of cinnamon buns, resting atop his friend's. He begins to link their fingers one by one. His expression softens, and for a moment he looks terribly guilty.]
... There is a place, somewhere, some time, when there was Atsumi instead of you.
[Touch Minato understands. As soon as Ryoji's hand brushes against his he instinctively shifts it so they're palm to palm, fingers interlocking, two becoming one.
As they connect he mulls over what Ryoji's just said. It certainly draws all the pieces together: Atsumi's strong memories that overlap with his own, the evoker and armband she keeps in her room, the personae he can see mirrored in her vibrant expression.
Lost in thought, he turns his head out towards the city to watch the moon as Ryoji did before. Somehow, he has the understanding, without knowing how he came by it.]
[His fingers slip easily into Minato's. They're the same size, and the same length. He plays with his fingers absently, enjoying the touch.]
But a different person.
What happened was ...
[And he hesitates, trying to collect himself. It's still difficult to say, and difficult to face. If he were a Shadow without a gift of this human heart, it would have been simpler, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He brings a hand to his chest, resting there, as if it quells the momentary sting of pain that courses through him.]
... It was the same. Some things were different, details that made up the whole had changed, but in the end ...
[It's the tone that grabs Minato's attention; that helpless, frustrated sadness that marked most of that December, from the time Ryoji first begged SEES to take his life in exchange for a blissful ignorance, to the time he walked out the door leaving a only new year's wish behind.
Minato watches him for a moment, trying to push down the strange uneasy feeling that he's watching Ryoji drift away again, caught in a tide that moves against his own will and better judgment. He squeezes the hand clenched in his once, hard enough to matter but not hard enough to hurt.]
......
[No. It's not enough. Which isn't to say that it's not enough for Ryoji, it's just -
It's not enough for him. Ryoji, he knows, will recover himself in time, and continue smiling with utmost sincerity; but for Minato it's too long, too much, too often, and too painful to watch him weather it alone. Without really knowing what he's trying to do, he reaches out and presses his free hand against Ryoji's far cheek, turning his face towards his.]
....
..... You did what you could, with the choices available to you.
[It's his sudden touch that snaps him back, causes him to look up just long enough for his friend to cup his cheek. Ryoji leans into his touch, not masking his grief. No matter how deeply he managed to get himself lost, there was always someone waiting for him at the surface.]
You were always too kind, but this isn't about me.
[And now he was here, and Minato was reminding him that he had time to decide what he wanted. If he was presented with the choice again now, would he stand up against Nyx? Would he try to find another way? Maybe, if it meant being with his new friends, and with Minato and Atsumi, he would reconsider.]
[Which of the two he means, he doesn't bother to elaborate on. Just being so forward and affectionate is kind of a new thing for him; while he knows that between the two of them there are no real boundaries, there's still hesitation in his actions. A need to "be close", but a fear of it all the same.
The hand on Ryoji's cheek migrates to the back of his neck, and Minato pulls him forward until their foreheads knock together. It's a little painful, but he doesn't flinch away - just stays there and Is.]
[It's easy to melt into him. Even when Minato's movements are hesitant, it feels natural. For Ryoji, being close to people was simple. There were ways that he expressed his affection freely. With Minato, it was even easier—he had seen all parts of him, and some of his memories were even vivid in his mind.]
She was the same as she was then. But yeah, I was ... a little worried.
[Minato sighs, out his nose out of respect for their close quarters (coffee breath is not a gift to be given freely), and moves his hand from the back of Ryoji's neck to his cheek again. Only this time, instead of a caress, his thumb works itself into the tiny dimple at the corner of his mouth and -
[Fuuuuu. He twitches as Minato pinches his cheek, but makes no move to get away. So he stays suspended between them, leaning halfway forward while his cheek stretches comically beneath Minato's fingertips. His voice is muffled.]
[Minato makes him suffer a little bit, fixing him with his flat stare across the short divide as he pulls at the other boy's cheek like taffy. But between Ryoji's troubled look and the bizarre, elastic expression of his face, his stonefaced expression quickly softens into a rare, indulgent smile.
Satisfied he's made Ryoji suffer enough, he swaps pinching for petting, smoothing out the sting with the pad of his thumb while chuckling under his breath.]
.... I.. don't know Atsumi-san all that well, yet. I don't know if we're all that alike, either.
[His smile dims a little bit; though he tries not to wear it on his face, his heart is a little troubled. Perhaps subconsciously he leans a little closer, letting part of that weight within him rest against Ryoji, each propping the other up.]
... But I think we're both happier, having met you. So....
[Ryoji's focus is suddenly off the sting and on Minato's face. There were only a few times that he had caught a smile like that—so few, in fact, that he could name them. He spends a moment mulling over his words, and the odd serenity that they seem to bring.
It wasn't so hard to believe that Minato had saved the world, especially not what he said things like that.
He remains still, as if he's allowing the words to sink into him. And then he mirrors the small smile as it fades from Minato's lips, as if he's somehow passed it on. His voice gets low.]
I'm happy I met you too.
(desperate attempt to salvage some of this thread's masculinity)
[Minato jolts a little, at that. They're sitting so close now that Ryoji's voice rumbles through his own chest when the other speaks. Ah - perhaps he's said something a bit dangerous, there.
Feeling suddenly rather self-conscious, he glances away from Ryoji retracts the hand patting his cheek. As he turns his head it's evident that a pale flush is starting to climb it's way into his cheeks.]
.... We lost a lot, but we also gained something irreplaceable...
[He was always guessing, even as Pharos, about the extent of Minato's affection. If it was something he had no qualms about, it was touching. It made him feel solid, like the world was something more than a lucid dream. With a hint of a smile, he watches Minato's hand drop to his lap. He gives him a moment to collect himself before unabashedly reaching for his wrist, putting it back on his cheek and leaning into his palm.]
You should talk to her.
[And he leans forward closer, if possible, resting his head beneath Minato's.]
[Well, fine. If that's the way Ryoji's going to play it then he supposes, with a little half-sigh, that he'll just have to indulge him (and himself). As Ryoji nestles in against his chest the hand on his cheek naturally migrates to accommodate him; from his jaw to the soft spot underneath his ear, to the back of Ryoji's head.]
... Mm. She really is kind kind, and energetic.
[Taking advantage of the fact that Ryoji's head is at the perfect height, Minato props his chin on top of it and exhales, breath stirring the flyaway hairs against his cheek.]
[He always came to the same conclusion. He could love Minato freely and ask for nothing in return. Even though that was never the case, he knew that he would be content with it. He leans into him further, not minding the scent of coffee and syrup.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Do you remember what it said?
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[He replies without missing a beat. The expression on Ryoji's face isn't unheard of, but it tugs at something in Minato's stomach.]
It was to ensure I accepted responsibility for my actions.
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[Ryoji says, carefully, but not watching his words. The expression on his face is one that could easily be detected between them if someone looked hard enough.]
So did Atsumi.
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So, Atsumi "signed a contract"; she also "accepted her responsibility". Minato feels like he should know the answer, but it also feels like it's lingering someplace outside of himself; beyond anything within his depth.]
So, you're saying....
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... There is a place, somewhere, some time, when there was Atsumi instead of you.
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As they connect he mulls over what Ryoji's just said. It certainly draws all the pieces together: Atsumi's strong memories that overlap with his own, the evoker and armband she keeps in her room, the personae he can see mirrored in her vibrant expression.
Lost in thought, he turns his head out towards the city to watch the moon as Ryoji did before. Somehow, he has the understanding, without knowing how he came by it.]
I see......
... The same circumstance.... but...
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But a different person.
What happened was ...
[And he hesitates, trying to collect himself. It's still difficult to say, and difficult to face. If he were a Shadow without a gift of this human heart, it would have been simpler, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He brings a hand to his chest, resting there, as if it quells the momentary sting of pain that courses through him.]
... It was the same. Some things were different, details that made up the whole had changed, but in the end ...
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Minato watches him for a moment, trying to push down the strange uneasy feeling that he's watching Ryoji drift away again, caught in a tide that moves against his own will and better judgment. He squeezes the hand clenched in his once, hard enough to matter but not hard enough to hurt.]
......
[No. It's not enough. Which isn't to say that it's not enough for Ryoji, it's just -
It's not enough for him. Ryoji, he knows, will recover himself in time, and continue smiling with utmost sincerity; but for Minato it's too long, too much, too often, and too painful to watch him weather it alone. Without really knowing what he's trying to do, he reaches out and presses his free hand against Ryoji's far cheek, turning his face towards his.]
....
..... You did what you could, with the choices available to you.
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You were always too kind, but this isn't about me.
[And now he was here, and Minato was reminding him that he had time to decide what he wanted. If he was presented with the choice again now, would he stand up against Nyx? Would he try to find another way? Maybe, if it meant being with his new friends, and with Minato and Atsumi, he would reconsider.]
You can be selfish sometimes, too.
[And he can't help but smile.]
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[Which of the two he means, he doesn't bother to elaborate on. Just being so forward and affectionate is kind of a new thing for him; while he knows that between the two of them there are no real boundaries, there's still hesitation in his actions. A need to "be close", but a fear of it all the same.
The hand on Ryoji's cheek migrates to the back of his neck, and Minato pulls him forward until their foreheads knock together. It's a little painful, but he doesn't flinch away - just stays there and Is.]
.... Were you worried?
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She was the same as she was then. But yeah, I was ... a little worried.
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[Minato sighs, out his nose out of respect for their close quarters (coffee breath is not a gift to be given freely), and moves his hand from the back of Ryoji's neck to his cheek again. Only this time, instead of a caress, his thumb works itself into the tiny dimple at the corner of his mouth and -
Pinches.]
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Mi~na~to~!
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Satisfied he's made Ryoji suffer enough, he swaps pinching for petting, smoothing out the sting with the pad of his thumb while chuckling under his breath.]
.... I.. don't know Atsumi-san all that well, yet. I don't know if we're all that alike, either.
[His smile dims a little bit; though he tries not to wear it on his face, his heart is a little troubled. Perhaps subconsciously he leans a little closer, letting part of that weight within him rest against Ryoji, each propping the other up.]
... But I think we're both happier, having met you. So....
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It wasn't so hard to believe that Minato had saved the world, especially not what he said things like that.
He remains still, as if he's allowing the words to sink into him. And then he mirrors the small smile as it fades from Minato's lips, as if he's somehow passed it on. His voice gets low.]
I'm happy I met you too.
(desperate attempt to salvage some of this thread's masculinity)
Feeling suddenly rather self-conscious, he glances away from Ryoji retracts the hand patting his cheek. As he turns his head it's evident that a pale flush is starting to climb it's way into his cheeks.]
.... We lost a lot, but we also gained something irreplaceable...
That's the way it is so... don't worry about it.
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[He was always guessing, even as Pharos, about the extent of Minato's affection. If it was something he had no qualms about, it was touching. It made him feel solid, like the world was something more than a lucid dream. With a hint of a smile, he watches Minato's hand drop to his lap. He gives him a moment to collect himself before unabashedly reaching for his wrist, putting it back on his cheek and leaning into his palm.]
You should talk to her.
[And he leans forward closer, if possible, resting his head beneath Minato's.]
She's a lovely person.
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[Well, fine. If that's the way Ryoji's going to play it then he supposes, with a little half-sigh, that he'll just have to indulge him (and himself). As Ryoji nestles in against his chest the hand on his cheek naturally migrates to accommodate him; from his jaw to the soft spot underneath his ear, to the back of Ryoji's head.]
... Mm. She really is kind kind, and energetic.
[Taking advantage of the fact that Ryoji's head is at the perfect height, Minato props his chin on top of it and exhales, breath stirring the flyaway hairs against his cheek.]
You must really treasure her.
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I do, even though she's different from you.